She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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