CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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