He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
