The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
