U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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