i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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