Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
