She's JV to your varsity
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
