Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
