I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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