What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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