Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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