I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
