Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
