pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
