New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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