Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
