I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize