just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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