I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
