i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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