The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
