we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
