This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
