You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
