Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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