her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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