these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
