Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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