Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
