...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
