Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
