Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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