I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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