what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
