She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
