i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
