Sry I called you an 8
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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