please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
