Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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