I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
look no pants
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
