he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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