I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
