Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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