Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
