my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We are two peas in an std pod
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
