I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
