I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
