Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
