Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize