White coat. Heels.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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