mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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