Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
