If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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