So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
