I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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