I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
