that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
