Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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