Sry I called you an 8
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
