HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are we still banned from the library?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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