So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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