If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
