oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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