Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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