i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
