Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
