Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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