I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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