I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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