Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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