i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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