We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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